The Carrot Tax

Hear ye! Hear ye!

Henceforth, there shall be a carrot tax on all visitors of the King (that’s me, Elvis). Whether you are simply coming to say hello, or you would like to go for a ride, a levy of at least one (1) carrot upon arrival and one (1) carrot prior to departure will be required.

The King will accept this tax in either form of carrot, that is baby (Figure 1) or regular (Figure 2); organic (Figure 3) or home-grown (Figure 4) carrots are preferred, but not obligatory.

What is this tax for, you might ask.

This tax helps ensure that the King will be in the best possible spirits, by assuring him that his loyal subjects know their place.

That is, on the ground, feeding him carrots.

Anyone who dares ignore the King’s decree and set foot in his kingdom without a carrot shall receive the following harsh punishment:

1. The Cute begging face, followed by
2. The Cold Shoulder, followed by
3. The Evil Eye

The following are NOT acceptable substitutes for the Carrot Tax:

– peppermints
– candy canes
– sugar cubes
– licorice
– horse cookies
– apples (but they can be left with the King and he will dispose of them)


Elvis, The King (JC Slewdownfromheaven)